The South Park Defense

I hope you’ve been following this week’s trial of Charles Meyers, the 19-year old from South Philly who last summer shot and killed 14-year old Tykeem Law, ostensibly because Law and his friends didn’t get their bicycles out of the street fast enough. Because Meyers is Caucasian and Law was African-American, this trial has become a referendum on violent crime and the public perception of murderers and their victims. You can bet this case is going to be thoroughly scrutinized and picked apart in the weeks and months to come.

I say, why wait? Scrutinize now and avoid the rush.

Pretty much the first thing out of defense attorney Daniel Conner’s mouth was so predictable, it could have been written by some overworked Hollywood screenwriter. Connor’s argument, if you really want to call it an argument, is that Meyers thought he saw Law reach under his shirt, and believing that Law had a gun, felt threatened and shot the kid in self-defense.

Let’s ignore for a moment the fact that every reliable witness, including the off-duty police officer who witnessed the entire incident and apprehended Meyers, say that Law made no aggressive actions. It’s the sheer, naked audacity of the defense claim that bothers me. We’ve seen it countless times.

I call it “The South Park Defense”. South Park, for those of you who still don’t have cable, is a cartoon show on Comedy Central that takes rude, gross vulgarity to new heights unimagined by The Simpsons or Beavis and Butthead. In one particular episode, the four foul-mouthed ten-year-olds who are the show’s protagonists are taken on a hunting trip by two dim-witted adults, Jimbo and Ned.

Horrified by the sight of Jimbo shooting a defenseless animal, one of the children asks how he can justify killing a creature that meant him no harm. Jimbo’s reply was, “They say we can't shoot certain animals anymore unless they're posing an immediate threat. Therefore, before we shoot something, we have to say; ‘It's coming right for us!’”

As if to punctuate the statement, Jimbo screams, “Look out! It’s coming right for us!” and shoots a small deer drinking from a lake.

The basis of the South Park Defense is as simple as Jimbo explained it. If there’s any question about the justification for a shooting, you simply state that the victim made a threatening move and you made a split second decision to protect yourself. A justifiable, understandable, natural response to a perceived threat. Case closed, court is adjourned and the defendant is free to go.

Keep in mind, though, you can only use the South Park Defense when the shooting victim is Black, but you’d be surprised at how often it works.

Police shootings are a natural for the South Park Defense. Remember Amadou Diallo? Forty-one shots reaching for his wallet. You can just imagine those cops in that tight hallway, guns drawn, when one of them shouts, “Look out! He’s got a gun!” just before they blaze away. How about Sean Bell, the groom blown away after his bachelor party? Same defense, same result.

It’s not just police officers who get to use the South Park Defense, either. There was a case several years ago where a brother was pepper sprayed by an old white woman as he walked past her on a dark street. He was not threatening her; he was actually on his way home from work. However, the mere fact that a black man approached her from behind was enough to justify pepper spraying him, because the old woman felt a perceived threat.

The fact is that the South Park Defense is an effective way to secure an acquittal. If it weren’t, attorneys like Conner wouldn’t make it the first gadget they pull out of their bag of tricks. It doesn’t take much to convince a jury that the menacing Black man made an aggressive motion, and what else is a poor, frightened white person to do?

It’s not much different from the “Unknown Black Guy” defense, made famous by Susan Smith, Tanya Dacri and a host of others. When confronted by the authorities with evidence of your guilt, you say the first thing you think will hold water. And “The Black Guy Did It” holds water in all 50 states.

The South Park Defense will work just fine until juries begin to decide these cases on the law instead of fear and stereotypes. The problem is, too many juries are made up of guys named Jimbo and Ned.